Saturday, 13 June 2009

LasagnaGate...

Reading Tina's entry today about her adventures with a lasagna yesterday has reminded me of mine last Thursday, the day after my fifth fill.
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We were going to the theatre in Clevedon with friends, and decided to have dinner in a pub on the sea front first. By ordering lasagna I thought that by sticking to minced beef I would ensure that I wouldn't have a problem .
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The only three careful mouthfulls I had weren't careful enough, and I trotted downstairs to the ladies (where they had run out of toilet paper...) three times before we had to leave to get to the theatre. My friends were full of sympathy, but I felt physically and psycologically awful, as if I were a secret bulimic.
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The little local theatre we headed for wasn't letting us into the auditorium till 10 minutes before the show, so we all queued patiently in a long, winding, orderly and very British trail stretching outside and across the street, all chatting amicably about how lucky we were with the weather because queueing in the rain would not have been very nice...
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And suddenly I knew that I absolutely had to get to the toilet again. I muttered this very quietly to John and asked him if he could lead me inside and find out where it was. My knight had (fortunately) left his white charger at home, but he might as well have unsheathed his sword and snapped back the visor of his helmet, because to my unspeakable embarrassment he forged a path through the tightly queuing throng as if he needed to part the waters of the Red Sea (have you ever tried to break into a British queue?) calling at the top of his voice as he dragged me behind him "EXCUSE ME, WE MUST GET THROUGH, MY GIRLFRIEND IS FEELING VERY ILL AND SHE MUST GET TO THE TOILET STRAIGHT AWAY" - not once, but over and over, as politely horrified people stumbled back in haste and looked at me to check for leprosy. Even in my efforts not to throw up in front of them I tried to grin weakly, rolling my eyes, and say "OK John, I think they get the picture".
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A year ago and earlier I think the embarrassment would have been the stronger feeling - I would have been mortified, despite the kindness which inspired the gesture. But you know what? Take a bow, blogger friends, because having read about your experiences over the last six months I understood this was normal, part of the price I have to pay to get to where I want to be. So what the hell. An abortive dinner and five PB's later, I enjoyed the show, and the following morning I had lost 1.5lbs.
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Tonight at home the spaghetti bolognaise I prepared for dinner has had the same effect. So OK, I get the message. Pasta is the problem and I'll avoid it from now on.
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So to all the non-bandits who think I've got something infectious when they see me looking bilious: leave me alone. I paid a lot of money to feel this uncomfortable.
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-oOo-

7 comments:

Reddirt Woman said...

Kindness and caring can be embarrassing...at times. But at least you were able not to pitch it all on some strangers shoes, pants and/or dress. At least you made it to the ladies room. And, as you said, you have paid for it and I think that entitles you to cut through the queue. I'd have done whatever I could have to help get you to the toilet, too. It's easy to say you shouldn't feel embarrassed, because you had no control over what your body decided to reject. It takes time to figure it all out, what you can and cannot ingest. At least you know by reading other blogs that sometimes this happens.

Keep your chin up, Caroline. You are going through all this to be healthier.

Helen

Nola said...

l lol......I loved that story!! Your gorgeous man parting the red sea and all that:)
Seems you are a slow learner like me!!! lol lol The trouble is, I like to test the theory later down the track...like it might have changed by then!!...and sometimes it does!
I have started keeping one of those zip-lock lunch bags with a nice, thick serviette inside it in my handbag at all times now. I have never had to use it because I have always been near a loo.....but I like to know it is in there........just in case!!

Dawn said...

Oh Bless...X
I'm glad you still got to see the show.

:o)
xx

Tina said...

Oh you so nailed it on the head! Your boyfriend was very nice though-My husband, I think, is about as embarrassed as I am sometimes. I agree with Nola though-ziplock bags are the best!! and I have used them several times. Sometimes at home but mostly in my car (I will dash there instead of finding a dubious toilet)

Tina

Simone said...

Oh my goodness, poor you!
Thanks so much for the nice post on my blog.....just to let you know I do take a pretty comfy mattress, proper sheets and my duvet....I told you it was "glamping"!!!
Best wishes to you,
Simone :)

Diz said...

Great blog. I need to carry one of those ziplocks too. That's what I love about these blogs...I always learn something.

Lonicera said...

Let me get this straight - you mean spew into a lunch bag, then zip it up and carry it around with you till you get to a loo? Jeez. I think I'm too squeamish for that!
Thanks for the comments, and to Simone for teaching me about glamping (glam camping I think?).
Blogland is such a wonderful place for meeting the whole spectrum of human existence, it's been a revelation to me how many lovely people are out there.
Caroline

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