Saturday, 18 April 2009

Less like restriction, more like stranglehold

I had my fourth fill last Wednesday, and now have 7.5ml in my 10ml band. Margaret, who weighed me (still snail's pace, though steady), and asked me how I was getting on, thought I should only have half a ml this time - and I thought oh no, this is all so slow... So when the surgeon gave me the choice of a half or one ml, I jumped at the chance. Was I sure? You betcha. My bowlfull of cornflakes when I got home was sublime: I felt full and satisfied though I hadn't eaten much that day. I imagined triumphant post in blog - it's working!
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Thursday managed sandwich at lunch and salad in the evening (one morsel at a time and couldn't eat the tomato skins - took ages) without feeling too bad, though I went to bed hungry. Friday morning at work my boss offered me a Ryvita, one of the new ones with berries in them that taste ever so slighty sweet. Divine... I ate it slowly, then washed it down with a small cup of coffee... and for the rest of the day I felt awful. I had to rush to the loo three times, where I also tried jumping up and down, without success. Thought I was fine at lunchtime and managed two bites of a sandwich made from soft brown bread and tuna mayonnaise, but I was uncomfortable all afternoon with the same running up and down. (Doesn't being sick make your face go awful and blotchy, not to mention all puffy? It made me feel all the more self-conscious.)
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"Surprise!" says John - "I've got us some fillet steak for dinner". Lovely, my fave. "You've got to chew it properly" says John "I'm going to count your chews". Talk about invasion of privacy. I'm watching the news and he's watching me, going "...five, six... eighteen, nineteen, come on, you've got to get to 25 at least". Three hours and many trips to the loo later I had to admit that all I was going to keep down was water. I remembered Tracey's posts of a couple of months ago, and her despair of being able to keep herself fed at all, and wondered if Margaret had been right, and I should have stuck to half a ml. I didn't even dare give myself any insulin before going to bed.
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Today we visited a friend in Tewkesbury, and we lounged in her conservatory as she gave us raw vegetable sticks and dips for lunch, with cheeses and some sliced ham, and it was as if nothing had happened. No problem at all, though I was glad it all took a couple of hours. Home-again-home-again, hot cross buns as a treat. Oh dear - I had one half with butter on it, and for the next hour - i.e. four or five times - I was going backwards and forwards to the loo. It would have been better to have just sat there and eaten it... So - still blotchy and puffy. Sight for sore eyes... I don't think.
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All this discomfort is miserable, but I suppose it's going to be the only way to find out what I can eat and what I can't. The band is now clearly working with a vengeance, and most of the weight loss recorded in the last entry on my snail's chart is the result of the last three days performance. My fear (as Dawn says in a recent post) is that this learning process should have to be learned in front of guests, or in a restaurant.
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I'll blog more often from now on - the long silences were due to my unsuccessful struggle to overcome the devastating effect of the burglary. I can't write cheerful if I don't feel it, and outpourings of misery make for a boring blog. However, as with most things, you get used to anything if you wait long enough.
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Thank you, thank you for the very kind remarks left in the comments.
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-oOo-

7 comments:

Dawn said...

Nice to have you back Caroline.

Take it easy with the food, chew chew chew. You may be a bit swollen from the pbing and may need to stick to fluids and mushies for a few days.

Happy weight loss :o)

xx

Zena said...

Hiya Caroline, as you know I also had alot of trouble with my last fill and was unsure weather I should get some taken out or not, But I do think you should stick with it, just have soup for a couple of days to let the swelling go down, Dawn is right, with all the PB'ing I am sure you would be swollen inside. I still have days where I cannot eat and days I dont stop eating that's why I call my band 'bitchy band'.
Stick with it!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lonicera said...

Thanks Dawn and Zena - comments much appreciated. This morning's bacon and eggs which were eventually finished congealed has taught me that if I want to consume a meal while still hot, it may need to be preceded by something to get the band "limbered up" half an hour beforehand.

Zena - with these current ups and downs you describe, is it averaging out as weight loss, gain or staying level?? I like the idea of calling it a bitchy band! It does make me mad sometimes... though I imagine it wagging its finger at me and telling me it's for my own good!
Caroline

Tina said...

I had a hard time at first giving up certain foods (I even retry them occasionally to my peril). but two of the number one foods that have gone from my diet are soft bread products and steak or roast beef. I have trouble every time.I think the bred mushes up into a plug covering the band opening and the steak just cannot be chewed well enough. It is hard to think about just eating tuna or cheese without the bread for me at lunch but my stomach thanked me a lot for doing it. It might be time to give up some of thse foods. Your weight is going to move now!!

Tina

Tina said...

oh by the way-I'm glad your back! I missed reading about how things were going.

Tina

Nola said...

I am glad you are back too!! This is how I felt (and still feel on some days) after my last fill. I have 6ml in my 10ml band and I was on for having a whole ml put in last time but Dr Dreamy talked me into half a ml. I am glad he did!! I "prime" my band sometimes too with a couple of mouthfuls of yoghurt...then it seems to be easier to eat my meal in half an hour's time or so. Not sure why. It works particularly well if it is going to be the first thing I have eaten for the day of any substance. I am presently having porridge every morning. I make it quite thick and it takes a while to eat....but I don't mind cold porridge! For some reason, if I have porridge then the rest of the day's eating goes more smoothly with less pain. Anyhow....stay away from the lime spiders!!! lol

DocSly said...

Hi Caroline, I am glad you are back with us. I go to the surgeon on May 13th and I don't know what to ask for regarding fill. I have 5ml in now.

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