Friday, 24 June 2011

A Negative List


Thank you so much Debi (Hawai Bound Bandster) for nominating me for this blog award!

To show my appreciation in a new way I thought I would think about it and what it means… and with help from PhotoShop I played around with the colours – and I also thought that as I’ve written lists about myself before and don’t want to repeat myself, this time I’d give you a list of my neurotic hates.  I wondered if anyone shares any of them...

My Top Twenty Neurotic Hates

1.   Selfish parking

2.   No lock on the bathroom door when you’re away from home… I once stayed somewhere for a week where the bathroom was shared with the children’s room on the other side of it, and both bedrooms had their own access door to the bathroom. Neither of them closed properly, never mind locked.  It was impossible to stop children running in and out… I think I was constipated for the week.

3.   Having to get out of bed any earlier than 9 a.m.  I’m a total night owl.

4.   Dinner guests who arrive early, builders who say they’ll be with you from 8.30 a.m. and at 7.45 you hear them crashing outside your window bringing in their equipment.

5.   Male testosterone behind the wheel, and macho behaviour generally.

6.   Snobbery, intolerance.

7.   Pulling rank, metaphorically or otherwise.

8.   Cruelty to children and animals.

9.   People who ask “Sooo… how much weight have you last since I last saw you?” – I hate it whether or not I have in fact done so.

10.  Sporty people who make me feel guilty at least once a day for taking the lift/elevator, or not doing more exercise – they know who they are!

11.  People who don’t understand the term “13:00 to 14:00 = Lunch Hour”.  In my case that applies to every person who works in a hospital, whether clinician or admin.  I’ve never seen anything like it in my previous working life.

12.  The combination of two or more of the following colours where orange is one of them:  pink, red, yellow and grey.  And if you have red hair, ditto.

13.  The following bodily habits:  hawking and spitting, blowing your nose and then looking at it, productive burping for bandits, men who think nothing of scratching their b*******s and arses in public, people who publicly pick their noses and then … ugh, I can’t go on.

14.  The 3 F’s – finding farting funny.

15.  Having to clear up after my cat Rusty when he’s been scent-marking and having to suppress any instinct to bawl him out (comment added by John “…at which you’re not very good.”)

16.  Snow after the novelty has worn off.

17.  This one is anal – so sue me.  I hate people not even being interested in understanding the difference between “hung” and “hanged” (meat is hung, people are hanged); "uninterested" and "disinterested" (not interested versus not for personal benefit).

18.  Phrase 1:  Anyone heard using the following phrase will, when I’m dictator, find that it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  When one says in virtuous tones to one’s children: “If I should ever get like that when I’m old (senile, annoying, incontinent, rude, etc, insert whichever adjective applies), I want you to shoot me or put me to sleep.”   Translation = “If I DO become like that, I want you to remember this conversation.  Be nice to me, it won’t be my fault.  I wish to hereby disassociate myself from my future self – and by the way, I won’t want you to shoot me, thank you very much, and of course I fully appreciate that you wouldn’t be planning to commit murder...)

19.  Phrase 2:  To start a sentence with “With respect…” or "with GREAT respect...", one of the most hypocritical, stupid, dishonest and cynical ways to say something and mean the exact opposite.  Told you I was anal.

20.  Two of John’s less endearing habits:  feeding titbits to the cats by placing them on the carpet because he can’t be bothered to get a plate, and then saying “it won’t do any harm”, later denying all knowledge of the strange little stains on the carpet around his armchair;  pouring unused paint down the drain on the drive outside because it’s plain silly to think it’ll harm the pipes.

(Deep breath Caroline, you got a bit carried away there.  Right. )


The only bit about blog awards I have an issue with is that we have to nominate too many others – it rises exponentially, and you find inevitably that everybody you know and like has long since been ‘done’.  I think it should just be one blogger, not 10, not least because it will mean more. 

I would love to nominate Tina at Losing It! because she’s an inspiring bandit who is BELOW target (for goodness sake) and yet still has issues she struggles with.  Go read her blog, you’ll enjoy it.  I'm hoping it might be possible to meet her when she comes to England in July.  Isn't blogland wonderful?

-oOo-


And to finish off...

From my Eavesdroppings blog. No. 44. Sleep Baby Sleep

 
Scene: Various couples dining together who met at antenatal class, and having all had their first babies recently, are enjoying a rare night out. The discussion centres around how to ensure that the young breast-fed babies sleep through the night as far as possible.

Mother 1 (26): We’ve tried soothing music, lullabyes, giving him more at the midnight feed so he’ll sleep through the night… everything. Nothing works, and we’re both knackered…

Mother 2 (28), (note of smugness in voice): The secret with night feeds is not to switch any lights on, speak or move around much before or after breastfeeding – that way the baby doesn’t wake up altogether. Works for me.

Mother 3 (34 and wordlywise): We don’t seem to have any problems – I breastfeed her at midnight and she goes right through to 7.30.

(Gasps of envy)

Father 1 (27): At two months? Through till 7.30? Oh we're so envious (aren’t we darling?)

Mother 3: Well, it’s not without a little help…

Father 2 (28): Aaaah, now we’re getting somewhere – so what do you give her?

Mother 3: Not her, me. Two large brandies.

-oOo-


Photo Finish
from Lonicera's photo archive

Digital:  Yum-yum in Gilbert & Sullivan's The Mikado, 2009


Non-Digital:  Japonica


Non-Digital:  Kite Festival, Bristol


Non-digital:
Bristol Opera Company production, early 1990s


Non-digital:  Bristol Church, Broadmead


Non-Digital:  One of the results from a "Let's kick the
tripod and see what happens" experiment...


Non-digital: 
Dodgem cars at a funfair on the Downs, Bristol, early 1990s

Non-Digital:  Marina


-oOo-

7 comments:

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

You are so funny, I love your style, and LOL at the 3 F comment!!!

Tina said...

haha :) thanks Caroline for the nomination. I will see if I can address it later this evening. You are right things are going manic here. This is my last day to do major prep work for teaching next week and get ready to go as well!

I think the meet up will have to be after the 13 as I will be hopping up and down from London to Wales. and then a conference near Cambridge. If you want to join us in London on the 8th we can have a big meet up with several UK people.

Sandy Lee said...

I love your entire list. Couldn't pick one that I disagreed with. I so hope you an Tina can meet up. One day I'll cross the pond, meet up and we too can have a good day or two.

I had problems a week ago posting a comment so hope it works this time!

Read said...

I love the entire list as well but.... ut oh, I have red hair and orange is my very favorite color so I've been known to wear it from time to time.... oh well.

Lonicera said...

Theresa - thank you!

Tina - don't think I can manage London unfortunately... would you be able to manage a coffee at the Cribbs Causeway shopping mall Justine referred to?? I do appreciate that on this sort of visit you're rushing around trying to see everybody and it gets difficult to fit everybody in...

Sandy Lee - thank you too for the nice comments. Sorry you were unable to post a comment, I wonder why that happened. Sometimes after publishing a post I keep going back and fiddling with it (the spacing goes funny) and I'm in and out of the post - I wonder sometimes whether this could have an annoying effect on anyone trying to leave a comment...

Read - Oh dear, please accept humble apologies if I've offended or annoyed you with my anal comment! It's just a matter of taste, not intolerance on my part. If you saw me you would probably laugh at the clothes I wear... Thank you for commenting rather than clicking your tongue and going on to another blog!

Thanks to all of you for your nice comments.

Caroline

Joyful said...

I love your list. I can relate to so many of them...too many to mention, lol. I hope you get to meet your blogging friend, just like I recently got to meet one of mine ;-)

Lonicera said...

Glad you liked them! Thanks Joyful.
Caroline

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