An award and a reflection on 'failure'

Tina is a pal. 

She's nominated me for another blog award, for which I'm profoundly grateful.  It's lovely to get recognition if people like what you write - or in my case if they like the pictures I include. 

I think my blog comes under the category of modest, enjoying as it does a modest following of loyal readers and regular commentators.  They seem to be a mixture of bandits and people who like pictures, which suits me very well:  I love blogging because it enables me to write and share pictures, but fundamentally I really and truly need the contact with people who are going through the lapband process. 

I read as many blogs as I can, the bandit ones because I feel less alone on this difficult journey.  I'm not that good at losing weight even with the wonderful help of the band, and it really does help to know that there are other people out there who can

(1) succeed and inspire, like Tina and her meteoric rise to slimming super stardom;

and

(2) those who are plodding on like me, some of them writing painfully on how they feel they are failures. 

Sometimes as I read these I confess my eyes fill with tears, and if I saw them I would give them a hug and tell them that everybody fails (or succeeds) at something, we're all a mixed bag of good and bad.  There are no rules written above our cribs when we're born that we must succeed at the stereotypical roles assigned to us.

It would be far worse if our addiction was for example hard drugs, where the consequences would be even more devastating than merely being stared at in the street for being overweight.  If you were one of these unfortunate people, wouldn't you long for people to say 'ooh isn't she fat' instead? 

So if you're reading this and you're feeling very low because like me you haven't lost any serious weight for nearly a year, consider what it would have been like if your lapband had been removed a year ago - would you be at the same weight now as you were then?  Of course not.  The band is still doing it's job, it's helping you tread water till you're strong enough to start swimming again. 

So be patient.  Keep reading bandit blogs. Keep commenting, however briefly, because bandits sorely need evidence that people are reading and understanding them.  As the blogger, acknowledge the comments you get - they too need evidence that you appreciate their attempts to make you feel better.

There are bigger battles to fight, though you may not think so.  What's worse than feeling ugly and fat?  I'll tell you.  Feeling unloved, unrequited in love, rejected, unnoticed, being bullied, treated like dirt... and being slim won't prevent them from happening.  These things are worse, because you often have no control over them.  But this you can control, you just have to keep on trying.

Above all remember that you're not alone, and that in being part of the blogging world you're in a unique position to tap into the best therapy there is - the concern and affection of people who are suffering just like you.

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Photo Finish:

From Lonicera's non-digital archive

Exmoor

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