What sort of a morning have you had, Jenny?

Jenny, an office colleague, wrote this recently, and I'm grateful she's letting me use it...

Woken up at 7 by small child climbing into bed and singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Kept awake by small child singing Peter Rabbit, Old McDonald, Roly Poly, Alphabet song, and showing me his scarecrow.
Also repeatedly told me he'd seen doggies dancing yesterday.
Then after farting loudly he told me he'd done a poo.
So far, all normal....

Then small child puts fingers in mouth and says "yuk".

Runs round landing for a while, comes back in bedroom.

Keeps lifting foot up and poking it. Tells me nappy is wet.
So I put the light on...

Small child's nappy has collapsed under strain, and has left a trail of poo lumps everywhere he's walked. Many have footprints in.

Also has poo all over feet, over hands where he's tried to wipe it off, and face where he's tasted it...
Small child given bath. Floor cleaned.

So after taking him to nursery, and getting self organised, finally leave for work about an hour late.

See a hitchhiker at the side of the road, and feel kind...
Hitchhiker gets in car.  I realise a couple of minutes later that he smells.
Tells me he can't drive because he's just had a brain op.

Tells me he's a lot better now cos the world doesn't look hazy and he doesn't feel so bad anymore.

Tells me he was delusional. Tells me that he was extremely violent.

Tells me it's OK cos the shiner on his eye (which I hadn't noticed) was actually from rugby.

We're on the motorway now, and I'm eying up the oddly elongated shaped bag he's carrying, wondering if it's a gun.

He shows me the scar on the back of his head from his op.

Then he holds his hands out in front of me, grins and says -

“Look at my handcuff scars!” 

Apparently it’s from where they handcuffed him to get him to hospital two months ago......
Drop him off at next junction with great relief.

Open windows to ventilate car.

Listen to radio news in case of stories of escaped criminals.

Get to work and realise no one here actually believes this really happened.
So thought I’d write it down in case I’m dreaming.
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-oOo-

Photo Finish -

from Lonicera's non-digital archives
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Fuerteventura, Canary Islands
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-oOo-